Loneliness after Divorce: How To Overcome It

Loneliness, after divorce, feels like a risky and uncomfortable feeling to sit with. The entire process of divorce is lonely. It often feels like single handedly carrying all of the responsibilities in the world with no one around to help. And the loneliness leads to some pretty destructive choices. They usually involve alcohol, maybe some recreational drugs, random sex, and spending money on things you do not need. But none of it works. Not for longer than a few hours. And then you crash. And feel like shit. And deeply alone.

The Story of Loneliness after Divorce

You Want to Be Wanted … Again

You know you’re not ready to date, but you want someone to want you. To hold your hand and take your call when you’re having a bad day. A person to love, to stem the flow of blood from the gunshot wound. But dating won’t work. You haven’t healed the wounds from before, during, or after divorce. This means you’re exceptionally raw, your perspective is shot, you’re highly susceptible to feeling rejected and doing a shitty job of picking dates.

So now what?

You learn the secret to loneliness. Loneliness is a result of 2 things. A wound that existed before you ever got married. And the injury that happened as a result of the divorce.

Experiencing Grief and Loss

The wound from divorce is grief and loss. It’s the process of letting go of your ex, your life as it was, the dreams you didn’t fulfill, and learning to accept that (at least for now) there are some empty spaces. Those empty spaces are one of the reasons you feel lonely.

Except, it’s not the whole story.

Loneliness and Emptiness

There is an earlier wound. It may feel even deeper than lonely, like emptiness. And without sourcing it, treating it and healing it,  loneliness and emptiness will always be right around the corner ready to strike. I understand that some of you may have no clue about what I’m referencing. You may not see an earlier wound. That’s ok because folks like me know how to help you find it.

Either way, I want to invite you to identify all the things you have been doing to avoid loneliness. Avoiding it is not addressing it. And many of these things were probably going on even before your divorce. Check out this list and note how many of them apply to you. None of them are inherently wrong. But, they are clues about behaviors that could block your ability to solve the problem once and for all.

Your Way of Dealing With Loneliness After Divorce 

  • Overworking
  • Filling any spare minute with an activity
  • Buying things for your kiddos so they will love you more
  • Drinking
  • Screen time
  • Chronically helping other people
  • Overthinking/Analyzing
  • Flirting/Dating
  • Traveling constantly
  • Obsessing over your ex

Nailed it didn’t I?

I know because I did them too. But if you want to get past this and end up happily ever after, you need a new plan.

Overcoming Loneliness after Divorce: Listen, Learn, Shift

To help you get to the bottom of your loneliness, I created a complete program to help you resolve and overcome the loneliness once and for all. This program will do several things for you:

  1. Provide you with a different choice when you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes you don’t know what to do with your pain, and you need some guidance. 
  2. Help you feel less alone in those dark moments, and it’s too late to call someone, or you’re afraid those snotty tears are too intense to lay on someone else.
  3. Guide you to the source of your loneliness and teach you how to resolve it. And the more you practice, the clearer you will get. Once you find the cause (there could be multiple causes) you can start to treat/heal/address it.

And if you’re inclined to click off of this page instead of checking out the Post Divorce Roadmap, I’d challenge you to do some soul searching about why.

When I help people explore their resistance, the typical answer is: “I don’t want to feel the pain or find something I don’t want to find.”

You Aren’t Alone

I am here to support and guide you through this struggle. But you have to take action. Reading this article isn't enough to change your life. 


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